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  Only… “You okay?” Jase was practically bent in half.

  Jase squeaked, but nodded. They breathed into each other’s mouths and shared the same skin. Ase wanted to run screaming from the room, but he thought he’d die if he didn’t stay right here. What was this insanity?

  “God, Jase, you’re so tight.”

  “The only one,” Jase breathed. “You’re the only one ever.”

  Ase paused and pushed up, missing the warmth of clinging together immediately, but stunned into inaction, though his cock was buried deep inside Jase’s hole, being milked like a pro. “I was your first?”

  Jase nodded.

  “Shit. Even last time. I was so rough.” He was a little horrified, thinking back. He wasn’t one to boast but he was definitely no pencil-dick. Not all of his sexual partners had wanted to bottom for him.

  “It was perfect.”

  Ase let out a groan, and his cock jumped inside the tight confines of Jase’s body. Jase’s head dug back into the cushion.

  Ase leaned up, placing his hands on Jase’s waist, pulling Jase almost wholly into his lap. “Touch yourself,” he said. Adding almost desperately, “Touch me.” Like that, Jase let go of his legs, holding them in place by sheer force of will. One hand immediately went to his own cock, fondled his own balls, the other went to scissor around where Ase’s cock was pummeling Jase’s hole.

  They both threw their heads back and moaned with abandon. Ase loved that they could shout the roof down because sex like this should not be silent. He watched as Jase stripped his own cock quickly, his body tensing bit by bit, hole clenching deliciously.

  Jase, the sexy, perfect bastard, reached under himself and fondled Ase’s balls as Ase slammed his hips against Jase’s and used Jase’s waist to pull him down onto his cock. “Fuck, fuck, gonna cum,” Ase said. The clenching muscles and Jase’s ball-fondling were pushing him right off the cliff. “Ay Dios mio, fucking hell,” he roared.

  Jase stroked himself faster, and Ase reached with one hand to roll Jase’s balls clumsily. Jase yelped, bucking as his entire body thrashed and spasmed, cum spurting up onto his chest and the couch behind him. Ase folded in on himself at that, the brutal grip on Jase’s body, the sight of the man losing his fucking mind, the cum flying, the moans, and the grip on Ase’s balls. Ase dropped his mouth to Jase’s and licked in deep, swallowing the moans as he hunched his lap up, shoving his cock as deep into Jase’s gut as he could go and emptied himself.

  Ase lay there, fucking stupefied for a moment, trying to even his breathing and failing for the longest time. Eventually between his cock’s softening and Jase’s body rejecting the invasion lasting any longer, his still semi-hard prick came out of Jase’s hole and plopped against Ase’s thigh.

  “That was. The most. Intense. Fuck. Ever.” Jase said each word around a heavy breath, tone giddy. Then he let out a boyish, breathless laugh.

  Ase leaned up to check Jase’s expression, hoping he hadn’t hurt him, or that the whole crazy thing hadn’t been some huge bout of insanity of Jase’s part. The adoration in Jase’s face, the carefree, well-fucked relaxation was a sight to behold.

  “I’m still just shocked I was your first,” Ase said. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. At least the last time, when we were at my place.”

  Jase chuckled and leaned up to kiss Ase. He did wince then. “Wow. I’ll feel that tomorrow.”

  “Agreed,” Ase said. He didn’t know why it mattered but they’d been so insanely intimate he had to ask. “Any second thoughts?”

  “About tonight? No fucking way. About you, still no way. About everything else, not second thoughts. Even if you did come to break up with me.”

  Were they break-uppable? They hadn’t exactly been together, and their reunion had been bipolar, to say the least. It was hard to get lost in logistics when you were pressed naked to an erstwhile lover.

  “We probably should do more talking and less fucking,” Ase said.

  Jase sobered. “Agreed. But, hey. At least we got the tension out of the way, so we can start from here.” His hopeful expression was hard to crush. But Ase had to bring a little sanity to the situation.

  He rolled from his safe/not-safe place between Jase’s legs and flopped on the couch beside him. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

  Jase leaned up on an elbow and looked at Ase. “Look, I know this has been… crazy. But, yeah, we’ll talk about it tomorrow. Just. Don’t regret this.” Jase stopped and studied Ase. “Even if this was closure. If that’s what this was.”

  Ase covered his eyes with his arm, caught his breath before turning to look in Jase’s earnest face. “We do need to talk. It’ll depend a lot on things you need to know.”

  Jase didn’t look comforted by that and said, “We’ll analyze this tomorrow. But let’s not over-analyze. Not tonight.”

  Ase was silent a moment. “One day at a time.”

  “Yes. That.” Jase’s voice croaked with sleep.

  “You need to sleep,” Ase said.

  “Yes. And you need to get that condom off before it sticks to you or starts leaking on your leg.”

  The couch moved up and down. When Ase uncovered his tired eyes, Jase held out his hand. “Come on.”

  Ase took Jase’s hand in what felt like the most natural move ever and was helped to standing. God, he hoped.

  After watching Jase walk on Bambi legs, grumbling about have something called a crosstie up his ass, Ase chuckled and started picking up his clothes. He pulled the condom off with a snap and dropped it in the bin beside the kitchen door. Hope he takes out his own trash.

  A whirring sound grew closer, making Ase turn back to find Jase with an electric toothbrush in his mouth. He was holding something in one hand, but had held it back, unsure, as he looked at the clothes in Ase’s hands. “Oh, are you leaving?”

  “Should I?” Ase hadn’t really considered staying, but he’d not really been readying to leave just yet.

  Jase said nothing, simply held out what he had in his hand—an unopened travel toothbrush. How could Ase say no to that?

  He followed Jase to the bathroom, taking in an eyeful of firm, naked ass before coming to stand beside Jase, who passed him the tube of toothpaste. They brushed their teeth side by side, then flossed, and Ase was a bit thrown by how natural the domestic moment was. Jase left the bathroom first, with a kiss to Ase’s cheek. He’d have to say this was the last way he’d expected this night to end based on their first run-in at the hospital… three months ago.

  Ase finished up then made his way to the adjoining bedroom, flicking off the light. The bedroom door was closed, curtains drawn, just a reading lamp still shining on a table beside the bed. Jase held open the bedclothes, still naked, so Ase decided to forego his pants as well. He slipped in beside Jase who pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to his lips.

  “This was great. No matter what comes tomorrow, okay?” Jase said, nodding as if that would make it so.

  Ase leaned forward and pressed another kiss to Jase’s lips. “It was.”

  When Jase turned off the lights and lay with his back to Ase, he reached around to pull Ase’s arm so Ase was wrapped around him from behind.

  “This is what we call spooning in Texas.”

  Ase kneed Jase’s ass lightly. “I know what it is, pendeja. It’s called the same thing in California.” Jase’s happy laugh, the way he burrowed back into Ase like this was how it always had been, made Ase warm to his toes. But scared and wary of what may come, come morning.

  “I thought about this,” Jase said, voice groggy.

  “About what?”

  Jase’s head moved a bit. “I thought what it’d have been like if we’d been able to sleep together that night.”

  Ase didn’t catch on at first. They’d slept together a couple times, now. Then it dawned on him Jase meant the night they were separated the first time. It hurt, the anguish in Jase’s voice. He still remembered Jase’s fierce protectiveness for an almost stranger, the way he�
�d looked so distraught, unable to act to help Ase. He guess he hadn’t really thought of how shitty that night must’ve been from Jase’s point of view. Ase hugged him tight, feeling every bit the sap as he placed a kiss on Jase’s nape. “Me too,” he whispered.

  But Jase was already sound asleep. And for the first time in a while, Ase had no trouble following him into slumber.

  Chapter 24

  OUT of his peripheral vision, Ase saw the shiny, black dually slowly drive up the way by Jase’s house. He sat up from where he’d been lying on the couch, thumbing through his phone. He slowly moved toward the bay window and watched as a guy, not much younger than he and Jase, hopped down out of the large truck and glanced back toward where Ase’s bike was parked beside Jase’s Ram.

  Damn. He and Jase had been so wrapped up in each other. Jase said his brother knew about him, but Ase wondered if he still shouldn’t have moved Matilda II before they’d gone to bed. If Jase’s brother had noticed it easily, Ase had no doubt Jase’s mother had. He did not want to be a problem for Jase.

  But that was all part of what they needed to talk about.

  The frown marring Jase’s brother’s face was more thoughtful than unkind before the man turned and made his way into the large ranch house up the hill. That wasn’t a bad sign, he hoped. His own brother’s face was probably contorted in rage today. Ase’s parents’ sure had been two days ago.

  “You don’t have to do this, Alessandro,” his mother wailed. Ase stood, back to the door of his mami and papi’s small, adobe style home in Southeast San Diego. His car was parked on the street, unlocked. That wasn’t safe at all, not in their neighborhood. Another thing they’d held over him.

  “We could have lived in better places, had much more, but we saved all this money for your schools. You think every little boy from this neighborhood gets to go to private school, mijo?” Of course he knew they didn’t. He was one of only five Hispanic kids in his graduating class of fifty. And Dios knows they’d reminded him every day of his life. “Your brothers didn’t have the chances you did.” It was true. Mateo had been born in Mexico, had been old enough his Spanish had made school difficult. His younger brother, Cris, had never given a shit. Ase, though, had been the golden boy with the brains and the drive to get the fuck out.

  He’d always been grateful for everything they did. But this… this was it. Almost twenty-seven years old and the guilt did nothing but keep him under-thumb like he was a teenager. And Ase was tired. And worn down. He had no more energy or sacrifice to give to these people.

  Ase was actually impressed with himself that his papi’s livid scowl wasn’t making him cower as it had for years. Just like with his brother, Ase could now see the man was a bully. Ase owed the man so much, but no longer his servitude. Even if that was dramatic, it was how their relationship felt. He’d lost too much and now had things to gain by standing up and saying, “No more.”

  “Mami, this isn’t disrespect. I’m a man now. I pay my bills. I’ve paid you all back and will help however I can—”

  “A man, he says,” Papi spat, in Spanish.

  Ase continued in English. “Papers are signed, things are in motion. I go back to Texas tomorrow.” Thank fuck. This was why Ase had waited until today. He knew it wasn’t the most mature move he could make, but he’d already packed up his hotel room, ready to head out as early as possible. He didn’t need to give them time to fuck with him. He hated having to act like a criminal, running away. But so far his papi’s methods had proved he’d make rash, drastic decisions to keep his family in line.

  Even if it involved using that damn wooden walking cane now resting beside his recliner.

  “I don’t want to not see you again,” he said to his mami alone. He knew this was going to be hard on her, and the brunt of his papi’s comeuppance would fall on her, as well. She wouldn’t leave, though. And he couldn’t stay. He was done.

  “If you leave, you never come back,” his papi said. The growl, the raw anger in Juan Ramirez’s voice brooked no argument. Ase’s mami cried louder. Which earned her a few curses in Spanish from the old man.

  “Tu hermano—” his papi started.

  “My brother has nothing to do with this. Either of them.” Ase quaked a bit, then said what he’d really come to say, the reason he’d decided he had to stop here before leaving town, other than it felt wrong to run off with his tail between his legs. “I will not think of you, which is lucky for you. What you did to me, to Lizeth—”

  “Was a fucking waste. You shame us.”

  “A crime, papi. It was a crime.” Not that he emotionally had it in him to do it. He just wanted to be away from here. “And it was so wrong.” He hated how his voice cracked on the last word.

  “Wrong to not want my son to be a fucking joto? If you’d grown up where I did, they’d not have tried to fix you. They’d have cut your balls off and left you in the fucking village so people could spit on you.” And Juan looked like that option was perfectly viable to him at the moment, which made Ase’s gut clench.

  “Good thing we’re here, then.” Ase held himself together somehow, because the disdain rolling off his papi in furious waves said the old man was contemplating doing as he’d said anyway. The only reason his papi wasn’t in his face was because the arthritis in his knees made him feeble and slow.

  Ase’d never wanted to cry like he did now, the stricken look on his mother’s face, the hatred coming from his papi. This was… fucked. But more than anything it was cathartic. Oh, he was breaking, and he was falling to pieces on the goddamned floor right now, but he knew—at least he had a little hope—that when he walked out and drove away from this house, probably for the last time, he’d be able to try to fix some of what had been broken. He hoped he could.

  Papi started railing on him, cursing him, hobbling up from his chair, but struggling against his aching joints. Ase pitied the man, for a brief moment. Very brief.

  And when his papi raised that fearful fucking cane of his… making himself numb, Ase put his hand out to catch the fucking wooden walking stick. With all his fucking might, he took it and raised it, himself, taking only the briefest satisfaction in the sudden fear in his father’s eyes. He was a weak old man and Ase was in his prime. Ase could beat the fuck out of the old bastard and … and he’d be the one going to jail. He couldn’t do that to Jase. He couldn’t do that to himself. He wasn’t that person. But it felt good seeing the old man fear for his life, right then.

  He threw the cane down, blocking the sound of his mami’s grieved wailing from his mind. “I pity you,” Ase said, with feeling. “And I hate you.”

  And then he walked out to his car.

  And he drove away.

  He may not openly admit it, but he’d cried all the way back to his empty hotel room. He cried for his mami and for the fact he’d probably never speak to any of them again. But he also cried for himself and how they’d broken him. And then he cried because he was going to survive and because he was fucking free. And then, alone in that hotel room, he slept one last night, before heading down the I-10 back to Texas. It was as cathartic as it was painful. To be the man he wanted to be, he had to bury huge parts of the boy he’d once been. It hurt, but he liked to think he was keeping the best parts.

  Ase blinked back the mist that’d settled in his eyes. Fuck. This was not the time to break down again. He was with Jase. He didn’t have time to keep running over every moment of that morning where his parents played the Hispanic homophobe caricature. Jase and he had talking to do, and hopefully some semblance of a future to maybe, sort of, kind of plot. If Jase would take him, damaged as he was.

  Somehow, though, he had faith. Jase hadn’t let him down yet, his bulldog who had gone to bat for him when they were still kind of strangers.

  He hoped he could repay the kindness. Or show even a fraction of the gratitude he wished he could to the only person who’d really ever stood up for Ase, ever.

  ****

  Jase’s dreamed of sunshine an
d a beautiful, happy young man with a camera and a mischievous smile. He dreamed of butterflies in his stomach and the rush of being on the back of a motorcycle and kisses before the world was so real.

  He dreamed of the shutters of a camera, that sounded like heartbeats and….

  His eyes blinked open, the sounds of laughter and heavy breathing fading into the ether, but a bright morning’s sunlight welcomed him to a world that wasn’t so heavy. And the shutters followed him into wakefulness. It took him a few moments of groggy blinking and rubbing his eyes before the shutters stopped and were replaced by happy chuckles from the other side of the room.

  Jase peeled his eyes open fully and found Ase standing in the doorway to Jase’s bedroom, smile dimmer than in the dream, but happy all the same. His eyes were a bit distant, a little haunted, but a lot more relaxed than Jase had seen in months. It stole his breath for a moment to see Ase’s beautiful, shirtless form, with his camera in his hands, and a look of amusement on his face.

  “You’re being a weird stalker again.”

  Ase gave a filthy half-grin and stalked over to the bed, got on his knees on the mattress to get closer to Jase. Then he leaned over and placed a gentle, nipping kiss on Jase’s lips that made gooseflesh rise all over Jase’s naked body. His morning wood bounced greedily beneath the sheets.

  “Good morning,” Ase said.

  “Mornin’,” Jase said, still groggy.

  “Sorry. It’s a bit early still, but I couldn’t resist taking a few shots of you sleeping. You were just too adorbs to pass up the opportunity.”

  Jase curled his lip. “Did you just say adorbs?”

  “What can I say? I spent a couple of days with girls I performed with in San Diego. They’re all totes and adorbs, and apparent they can never even. Ever. I honestly thought that had all gone out of style while I was hidden out here in the land that time forgot.”

  Jase leaned up to kiss Ase, who was looking a bit too adorbs himself with his bedhead and puffy right cheek he’d obviously had propped on his fist. “Should’ve hidden out longer, apparently.”